http://youtu.be/taGHl78A8a4

Growing...

So my last blog was back in May. Now it's July and things are so different. Where I was, where I am now and where I am going. I have spent much of the past few months in silence and solitude. It's not a fun place for someone who has lived her life surrounded by people. I'm an extrovert so being around people and talking are essential to my being. Or at least I thought they were. But funny enough, now I look forward to any and all silence and solitude I can get at any moment during the day, week, month.

During this time, I did some connecting and healing of wounds that went so deep that some I didn't even realize were there. Today, I can honestly say that I feel 90% healed. Are we ever 100%? I'm not sure but I can do 90% through the rest of my life if this is 90%.

When my personal life and health blew up over two years ago, I thought it was the end of life as I knew it and it was. Now I have a new life. It's a life where I do chose to follow the life of Christ. He has delivered me from every way that I was and who I was that I am grateful to have the opportunity to connect with him on a level that I am assuming some don't get the chance to.

I've made some pretty big decisions lately. I'm going back to school next month for two years to complete my degree with Lancaster Bible College. Yup. Surrender for me has also meant my vocation. And I am looking forward to doing it, too.

For many years I have denied that small voice that spoke to me numerous times about where I should be. Over the past year I tried some things that I thought would be a way to do ministry my way but it doesn't always work out our way. So when so much fails we have to step back and review. After we review, we can choose to listen to His way or go our own way again and repeat the cycle. Personally, I was tired and weary, heavy and burdened. Kinda like the prophets in the Bible. I have felt like there is something more for me but had no idea what. So with a leap of faith, I am moving forward and doing what I am told to do. Go back to school, clean up my finances, be an example to my children and walk a straight path.

Ironically, so many things have been falling into place. It feels good for once in my life to not be pushing for things to happen and just allowing them to happen on His timing. It's a practice that I have to renew each day to allow and to have patience for. So many growing pains and so many lessons learned. Best one to date: When God speaks...Listen and Obey. Kinda like our own children:) I've seen my wrath and I know personally God's wrath when we're not listening and obeying.

Blessings to all!

...how the garden grows...

My garden is growing! I am so excited about this! The first picture are my tomatoes. They are actually growing. I had no idea how to start a garden a month ago. The ground was tilled and I bought my seeds and planted them. A friend laughed and told me my tomatoes should've been started inside and I thought, "oh well, too late now. Just like Jennifer to just jump in and do it." But now, 3-4 of them are growing!

The best ones are the corn! They're getting higher and higher each day. When they started I wasn't sure if they were the grass mixed in there or if it was the corn but now I can tell the difference.

The last picture is what I believe are the green beans! It's still a little hard to tell. I planted 6 different fruits and veggies. 3 out of 6 isn't too bad. The others are still working and there are beginnings of them I believe but not quite sure.

A wise man told me not to weed until I could tell what was growing and where:) I'm listening to that advise and just plucking the weeds where it is safe to do so and not ruin all that is growing.

Thanks all for reading and letting me share a little bit of joy from my garden.

God Bless,

Jennifer

(p.s. - I write this as my kids are watching Gnomeo & Juliet in the background and talks about "Love builds a Garden:)" LOL

Just sharing...

I've had a few sleepless nights this week. A lot is going on, a lot is happening around me and my life. I have a routine in the morning when I wake.
Feed the dog
Start the coffee
Let the dog out
Pour my coffee
Open the laptop
Start my email with a prayer
Read my inspiring newsletters that come from Joel Osteen, Beliefnet and 5 mins of Faith
Go to Facebook and see "what God wants me to know today"
Then have my quiet time with Him and pray

I'm tired today. I feel as if I have been running a race. A race of making up time that I missed over the years of really "getting it". Ironically, the Joel Osteen message hit me today, like every other day, right where I am at.

Thought I'd share it:

TODAY’S SCRIPTURE
“...Run in such a way as to get the prize”
(1 Corinthians 9:24, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Oftentimes, when we have a dream in our heart, we start off strong. We head down the path toward our goal, and we’re so excited! But along the way, we hit some roadblocks and encounter some adversity. Many times, people will just give up and take the easy way out. But we have to remember, it’s not how we start that counts; it’s how we finish. Anybody can be fired up at the beginning, but I’m encouraging you to stick with it until the end! Have the determination to go all the way through. Don’t stop at the halfway mark just because times are tough. Don’t quit because you don’t see anything happening. The scripture tells us not to walk by sight, but to walk by faith.
Today, if there’s a dream in your heart, something you’re believing for — a relationship to turn around, a business opportunity or to overcome an addiction — keep pursuing it! Run your race to win the prize! Don’t settle until you see the fullness of what God has placed in your heart. As you stand strong in your faith, I believe God will pour out His favor and blessing upon you, and you will see the victory He has in store for you!

A PRAYER FOR TODAY
Heavenly Father, today I choose to stand strong in You. I set my focus on Your promises and choose to run my race with conviction. I let go of the past by faith today and press forward into the destiny You have in store for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
— Joel & Victoria Osteen

My turn again:
I've hit some roadblocks...yes. And as early as two days ago I told God - no more or I'm turning away and going back. This isn't what I thought it would be like. He started dreams in me many years ago and again this past year and again just recently. They keep changing and tweaking along the way. There is a vision He gave me of my life two years ago when He entered my dreams while I was at my lowest. It's what has kept me going on. It is such joy and happiness. As I have pressed on thinking it was this or that and nothing happened or I had a mountain to move...We grew closer and I continued to go by faith and trust.

Yes, I now understand surrender. And there are days when it feel awful and then a prayer gets answered. Then in that moment you continue to believe and go on - whatever the result. So that's what I've been doing. He has asked me to share my story in so many ways and to so many different people. It's been confusing but it's starting to make sense - just as recently as yesterday.

Here is a version of my story to share with families who are in the midst of a cancer diagnosis:
My book Jenny's Angels available at:
www.inspringdesignsbyjennifer.com
direct link to:
https://www.createspace.com/3587070

I'm zapped, I'm tired. I'm going to rest this weekend as I have been told to. He's taking it from here...for now. I know this is just the beginning of something else. Not sure what. But I'm trusting I'll be ok.

Thank you everyone for reading my blog. Sharing my emails and Facebook status', twitter stuff and all the junk we have to learn to do in order to get out there and make a difference...even if it's just for one single person.

Today, I'm going on a field trip with my daughter. I'm going to be tired due to broken sleep last night but I also know that I will pray for enough energy and receive it for the day and laugh with my child....it's priceless.

God Bless,
Jennifer

Hanging out in the prayer garden...

My angels are officially hanging out with me in my prayer garden:)

Mother's Day doesn't get any better than this...

Gifts from my children. Funny, when you find yourself questioning if you really are a good mom and doing your very best...God provides you an answer:)

Happy Mother's Day!

Enjoy your day with the ones you love!

Mother's Day doesn't get any better than this...

...and yes, I cried:)

Mary, Mary, quiet contrary...How does your garden grow? cont....

As my garden grows, so do my creative ideas:)

I encourage anyone who feels stuck in a place in your life to find a space you can make your own. Inside or outside your home. Reuse old furniture. Go through your basement and attic for items you can repaint and give new life to. There is something very theraputic to making something old into something new again.

For so long I have envisioned a garden with colorful, eclectic furniture and decorations, but never did it. I love looking at magazines and seeing how pretty some gardens are, but never did my own. After clearing the weeds and leaves from the abandoned garden behind my barn last week - I found my garden muse. The butterfly shape needed color...so I gave it to her. But it needed more. I painted verses and sayings around her shape as reminders of my prayers and positive affirmations. But now I needed a place to sit. Years and years ago, my dad gave me this old metal chair that he had when my mom was alive. I remember this chair when I was little. It used to have an ugly brown cover over it - totally 70's. This chair has moved from house to house with me and never has been used because it's a little broken. Dad always reminded me that this chair is now in the Smithsonian so I never felt like I could change it. Soooo...I called my dad:) Yes, I wanted his approval of spray painting it before I just did it. Now 76 years old and realizing that things are just things and we can't enjoy them unless we use them...he agreed to the painting. So now this chair is bright pink. Next came old shutters. A fresh painting, design and some words of a song and a verse and we have more interest and color. Lastly came another chair. It felt lonely out there in just my wire chair so I made room for a friend. Again, with a little spray paint and some left over fabric - I have another sunny chair.

My prayer garden will continue to evolve this season. I am blooming with ideas! I invite anyone who would like to stop by and see my prayer garden to come on by and have a cup of tea, a talk and some time with me in my garden.

God Bless,

Jennifer

Mary, Mary, quiet contrary...How does your garden grow?

...with silver bells and cockle shells...no...with pink-painted chairs and yummy-veggies:)

(that doesn't rhyme...oh well)

I spent a beautiful, sunny Saturday cleaning out my old flower gardens and preparing a new veggie garden. I've been thinking a lot about this lately. There is deeper meaning to all of this, too.

Personally, Jen never kept up nor created her own garden's. At the homes that I've lived at, previous owners always had beautiful gardens planted. I may have started caring for these gardens for awhile with weeding and remulching but I never kept up with them. I didn't know much about gardening nor had any real interest in learning. So they always became overwhelmed with weeds.

I have envisioned my gardens with eclectic, colorful furniture pieces and signs of all sorts, but never did anything more than stuck store bought decorative stakes in the ground. This year, I'm revamping my gardens and revamping the garden in my mind, body and spirit, too. My muse will be created later this afternoon. I envisioned her at the end of the day but I was too pooped to do it.

Jennifer, is ready to revamp, recreate, reinvent her garden. Jennifer is ready to weed, turn the soil, plant the seeds, water and watch her garden grow. Jennifer is ready for the maintenance of her garden's now...even in the hot, hot summer heat...no excuses and no looking for someone else to do the weeding:)

Happy Gardening!

and God Bless!

Jennifer

What Happens After a Storm?

It has been a very rainy Saturday. I have been indoors, alone...by myself...no...sorry, I am never alone. I have been indoors all day going deeper in my relationship with God. It’s almost time for me to go to bed but I felt I needed to end this rainy day on a special note.

What happens after a storm? The skies part open and the sun seeps out slowly. The flowers, after an April shower, begin to bloom into their vivid colors. The grass grows higher and higher, greener and greener. It doesn’t happen overnight...we have to be patient and wait. Some will not even notice. Some will take it in little by little. Others will stop and sit and wait. They will notice the changes going on around them. They will look up to the heavens and thank the Lord for all the beauty that the storm has brought.

In this moment, I am reflecting on something deeper. On May 7th, it will mark my 2 years since I finished chemo treatments from my blood cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So many people told me to give myself two years to feel better, to gain back my energy again. It has felt like a long storm. But the clouds are clearing and the sun is shining brighter. I feel as if this storm is over now. I have learned many lessons. I have been tested in ways that I can’t even describe. Let alone it would go on and on.

I am grateful to have my strength that He has continued to provide me. It has proven to me who I am and what I am able to endure. It has proven to me that family history and genetics do not have to play a role on anyone’s life. It has shown me true love and that seeking anywhere outside of Him does not fullfill your soul.

My soul is getting cleaner and clearer. The adverse reactions and side effects of chemo drugs are wearing off. The changes I have choosen to make in my diet and exercise have helped tremendously. I feel my body is getting stronger. The aches and pains are not as dominent any more. My mind is clearer and I am getting better balance of my life daily. It’s a wonderful feeling. It has been hard to be patient but I have learned...and will continue to accept what is for now is only for now. It does not have to be forever.

I am grateful for all the support that God has provided my children and I. He is a good God and I cannot speak of anything but His grace, forgiveness, love and faithfulness. My faith has been tested and I have failed Him in the past but all is forgiven and my trust is fully with Him now.

Cheers to brighter days, promises fullfilled, dreams coming true. I’m in the process of closing some chapters in my life for good. I am following His word and listening to Him and His guidance for my path in life. There have been changes stirring within me and my spirit is ready for the first steps. Sometimes it takes a huge storm to discover your purpose, destiny, calling in life.

Blessings to all! Remember when you are in a storm and it’s coming to an end...look for the rainbow and sunshine and then thank Him for the beautiful gifts.

Blessings and love,

Jennifer

Visual Journaling...Never Imagined

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Everyone tells me you are suppose to blog every week and post and twitter and status...blah, blah. I just don't have something inspiring to share sometimes. Sometimes I got nothing but being in a funk and that's not very inspiring.

So I thought I'd share something that I started doing that has helped me through...well...a lot. Two years ago when I was going through a very dark time in my life I started what is called a "Visual Prayer Journal". I would sit in God's word and pull out a scripture and write it down then design, pencil, illustrate all around it - page by page. Doing this helped me grow past my pain and I can honestly look back at these now and see the space I was in. Just like many other things in my life I put it on a shelf...until recently.

As I've been rediscovering my own inner artist again I have restarted my visual journal but in a more positive way. I have also started to teach others on this process and other ways to heal by art. I was asked by my Cancer Center and the Lymphoma Leukemia Society to do workshops on these as well. I never imagined how much 'more' healing I could do myself by sharing with others something so simple...and my story of surviving.

(NOTE: April 26th from 3-4:30pm at the Apple Hill Medical Ctr. Suite 188 & The LLS Conference on May 26th in Hershey, PA at the Hershey Lodge)

It is good to know that you are not alone. I've connected and reconnected with women my age who have been out of treatment for about 2 yrs now and compared notes. Life is different. For some it's different in small ways for others it is different in big ways. Getting through the 'different' takes more time, more healing and mostly patience.

Journaling has been a great source of healing but even more healing for me has been done by writing and illustrating a children's book. It's my own personal story that I was called to do. It's almost ready to self publish and I'm in that space of fear again. Sharing my soul and knowing others may not receive what I have written as a possibility to them is scary. The fear of opinions, judgements and rejection to a writer/artist who is ready to lay it all out there for the world to see just screams fear.

So before I am ready to publish...I must be ready. God is preparing me each day for what may come. I may only sell one book and that may be to myself and I am ok with that. It was written as my way of healing and closing my past pain and I am grateful for the gift of being able to share my story and my visions to others.

God Bless!

Jennifer

The Importance of Being Creative

The Importance of Being Creative

Believe in Miracles...

Prayers are an amazing thing. Especially when they are answered. I have experienced it before and I am experiencing it again. I find it amazing when you were just praying for something...a miracle...and it actually happens.

When you think you are alone in your problems...pray.

When you think God doesn't hear you...pray again.

When you think it's just not going to happen for you...pray more.

Believe that there are amazing people in this world!

Believe that they are in your life and willing to help.

Believe that you can reach your dreams with work and God's help.

Believe in Miracles!

Have faith when you think you don't any longer.

Have faith that you will learn something along the way.

Have faith that He will answer.

Have faith there is light and love at the end.

Hold onto hope in God and His plan for you.

Hold onto hope that He will guide you on your path.

Hope for more Miracles!

We may not understand why when we are standing in the middle of it. We may not understand when we think we are on the other side of it and quickly find out we are not. We may not understand why bad things happen to good people. We must have faith, believing, hope and prayer that God knows us. How personally He knows each of us is up to you.

Light & Love,

Jennifer

Restart Button...

I'd love a restart button in the real world! Who wouldn't? I'm clearing myself of what hasn't worked before and restarting once again. Organizing hasn't been one of my biggest skills but it's there with a little madness of my own attached to the my methods.

Once again, I am restarting where I left off...

www.etsy.com/shop/patterngirl43

It's a temporary site until the fully loaded one is ready. I have inventory and would love to see others wearing/using an item that will reming them daily of "who you need to be". I certainly know I do...mine for today is..."Be true to yourself...and Believe".

Blessings,

Jennifer

At Peace with 40...

So today was my 40th birthday.

I made the mistake of allowing my doctors office (months ago) schedule my routine follow up CT scan this morning. Originally I thought, "why not...it's just another day." Never considering that I am a person who is reminiscent and going through the needle jabbing (4x's) would take me back to where I was two yrs ago. Then, of course, it's reflecting on where I am not at 40 that I thought I'd be by now.

All the birthday wishes were nice and the uplifting comments about turning 40. Honestly, I realize now that I spent the approaching weeks dreading it. I spent today not wanting it to even be here nor did I really want to acknowledge it myself. Why? A few reasons why.

I'm at that halfway point in life and not being where you thought you'd be by now is a reality check for me. I'm the "baby" of my family. Being the baby keeps you as the one that never gets old. My dad has admitted that at 76 he had enjoyment of stating his youngest was in her 30's. Not anymore:( Sorry Dad.

But by mid-day, I pulled up my big girl undies and said, "ok, let's make the most of it." I got out into the yucky weather for a sassy hair cut, bought a large bottle of wine, something yummy to treat myself to, a book I ordered was on my doorstep so I settled into a hot tub for awhile and did what made me feel better.

I think at this moment I am at peace with 40. I needed time to hurdle this one mentally. Tomorrow I will be 40 plus one day so it will get easier. I will think of what I have at 40 and not what I have not...and I do have a lot. I am grateful for such great kids, family, friends and loved ones that know me, care about me and just love me for me.

I'll wear 40 as a badge of honor. I think I've earned this one. I knew nothing at 30, I know so much more at 40 and by 50 I'm guessing the world will have to get outta my way cuz I might know everything:) and I plan to speak about it all!

Hugs & Kisses,

Jennifer

Remembering...

Lately I've been reading facebook updates from some young family members. Tween and teen girls that express a missing of their grandpa (my uncle) who passed away a few years ago now. It breaks my heart to read between the lines of how we all struggle with loss of a close loved one. It doesn't get easy at whatever age you are. But I especially want to share with these young girls a few thoughts of my own...things that I have learned along my 40 year path about life and death.

You see, when I was 8 I lost my mom. It took a few years before it really hit me and how much I missed her. Unfortunately, I didn't know then what I know today so I was one of those girls that made poor choices and searched hi and lo for who she was. I wondered if it would be easier if I had my mom to talk to - like I talk to my 11 year old daughter now and see how gracefully she is growing up.

In my 20's I went through loss again with my grandmother. She was an amazing woman! She taught me most of the craftiness that I am today. I spent summers and holiday breaks with her because I was the girl of the family and my dad knew I needed to have a woman figure to spend time with. My grandmother and I would sit and crochet, play Uno, sew and just talk. She "knew" me and now I think back and I now "know" her, too. She was so much love, she was so graceful and kind and generous. It was so easy for her.

When I got that phone call, I collapsed. She missed many Big Moments of my life! Getting married, my babies... But I know and I feel now that as I morned for so many years this missing...she was and is always there. I have allowed myself to be open to her presence, my mothers presence and also my dear friend Jill's presence who was gone at such a early age.

They are with me and I hear them cheering and encouraging me on. What I do each day in my life I don't just do for myself. I do it for my children...I do it for the women in my life who didn't have the courage, the time, the chance to do it. So if I could give advise to these young girls it would be this... in your quiet time, stop, close your eyes, breathe and open your heart to your Pop Pop. He's right there with you. Feel his hugs. Feel his warmth. See his smile. Hear his words. He wants "his girls" to live their lives happy, full of love and learning all along the way. Imagine him blowing you kisses from heaven. Imagine him when you are faced with uncertainty what would he tell you to do. He is there...just open your heart and mind.

It's ironic, because just this past weekend my dad was here (my uncle was his little brother) and we were talking about him. It's even hard for a man at 76. But as a woman...as one who once was a young girl/woman wishing for my mom to be back - wishing for my grandmother's advise...it wasn't until bigger events that I realized how much they are with me. So open your heart, close your eyes and imagine all their love, support, encouragement and feel him close to your heart.

Hugs and kisses!

Love,

Jennifer

(your welcome Uncle Wally! Love you, too:)

Overcoming FEAR...

A few month ago, a story came to me after I created designs of my angels. I love this story! It's a children's story about a little girl named Jenny and her 3 rag dolls. It has some sadness, smiles and truth to my life in every sense. I hope to share it with everyone someday. I'm working on the illustrations, too, so it may be a little longer before it's done but here's a glimpse of the cover.

••••••

For months and months now I've been holding back on myself. Fear is such a real...thing! I spent years living in fear. Fear of the unknown, am I good enough, what will people think of me changing careers again, what if I'm not good enough, it just seems like too much work for one person. Those voices of questions ramble on and on and kept me stopped, unsure of a direction, hopeless. Overcoming the fear has been a roller coaster. One month I'll be on top of the world and knowing I CAN do it, who cares what they think, so what if I'm not a good as her. Then the next month...road blocks, self sabotage, responsibilities get in the way and the dreams go out the window. Then, restart button...again.

Enough of this cycle! I'm going moment by moment, day by day and checking off each bullet on my lists to move my life in the direction of my dreams...my creative dream business. Yes, I know it can be done. Others have done it. I see the vision of the Big Dream and I'm restarting the steps again and keeping it simple. As simple as simple can be for this dream.

Patience Jennifer...that's what I hear now and oh how I have learned patience over these forty years and I'm still not very good at it. But I'm learning and I continue to learn as I have to...without fear. I have social networking to learn. The do's and don'ts. I have specific marketing I need to learn more of. I have new programs to learn. Somedays it feels like too much but little by little I am learning. Besides, all we have is time on this earth...why not learn something new as often as we can and not fear the unknown.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings:)...

Love you all!

Jennifer

Feeling inspired again....

Love, Me

Can I have a RESTART button?!

Tick, tick, tick...15 days until 40! I think I may be having my own mid-life crisis. LOL. I don't want a sports car or a 25 year old boyfriend...I just want my dreams to come to fruition. To me it doesn't seem like I'm looking for that much but to others that may be just what they are...dreams.

I started making them happen last year. I was inspired and ready to take the leap and have faith. Then...I got in my own way again and again and again. It's like this weird pattern. I'm not going to sit and analyze it...I'm just going to move on and restart again.

I'm working on my angels...they are cheering me on...again.

Hugs,

Jennifer

whirlwish

The Year of Possibility

This year I have decided NOT to make ANY resolutions. Every year I have written out some resolutions. Started them early in the year then dropped the ball somewhere during the year. So this year I have decided to NOT make ANY resolutions...or maybe I did without realizing it:)

This year I have decided to not plan. To take my life day-by-day, moment-by-moment and see what happens. I'm not driving this boat really. I'm not in control of what happens so why set myself up for something to not go how I have planned it to go and to be disappointed. I do have my visions, their timeline is nothing that I have control over. So this year I have chosen to "LET GO." To see where everything goes...my business ventures and visions, my finances, my love life, my friendships, my possibilities.

I'm embracing different this year and whatever comes my way!

Best wishes followers for a year full of possibilities!

Love,

Jennifer