Tuesday, July 12, 2011
So my last blog was back in May. Now it's July and things are so different. Where I was, where I am now and where I am going. I have spent much of the past few months in silence and solitude. It's not a fun place for someone who has lived her life surrounded by people. I'm an extrovert so being around people and talking are essential to my being. Or at least I thought they were. But funny enough, now I look forward to any and all silence and solitude I can get at any moment during the day, week, month.
During this time, I did some connecting and healing of wounds that went so deep that some I didn't even realize were there. Today, I can honestly say that I feel 90% healed. Are we ever 100%? I'm not sure but I can do 90% through the rest of my life if this is 90%.
When my personal life and health blew up over two years ago, I thought it was the end of life as I knew it and it was. Now I have a new life. It's a life where I do chose to follow the life of Christ. He has delivered me from every way that I was and who I was that I am grateful to have the opportunity to connect with him on a level that I am assuming some don't get the chance to.
I've made some pretty big decisions lately. I'm going back to school next month for two years to complete my degree with Lancaster Bible College. Yup. Surrender for me has also meant my vocation. And I am looking forward to doing it, too.
For many years I have denied that small voice that spoke to me numerous times about where I should be. Over the past year I tried some things that I thought would be a way to do ministry my way but it doesn't always work out our way. So when so much fails we have to step back and review. After we review, we can choose to listen to His way or go our own way again and repeat the cycle. Personally, I was tired and weary, heavy and burdened. Kinda like the prophets in the Bible. I have felt like there is something more for me but had no idea what. So with a leap of faith, I am moving forward and doing what I am told to do. Go back to school, clean up my finances, be an example to my children and walk a straight path.
Ironically, so many things have been falling into place. It feels good for once in my life to not be pushing for things to happen and just allowing them to happen on His timing. It's a practice that I have to renew each day to allow and to have patience for. So many growing pains and so many lessons learned. Best one to date: When God speaks...Listen and Obey. Kinda like our own children:) I've seen my wrath and I know personally God's wrath when we're not listening and obeying.
Blessings to all!