Sunday, July 8, 2012

New Beginnings

Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller

This quote touched me today. Boy, oh boy, have I had some experiences of trials and suffering in the last few years. Can my soul be strengthened? Can ambition be inspired? Can success be achieved? Time will tell.
It's been a year since I last blogged on here. Took a break from many things. I felt like I didn't want to share if I didn't have anything good going on. But I did have some good over the last year. I found a good job working with good people, I had a good relationship for awhile again, I took college classes and learned a lot. It was a busy year of trying to balance all of that with the kids. They've grown so much too. Chloe has blossomed into a pre-teen, going on 13 in a few months. She's become very responsible and her beauty radiates inside and out. Carson is slowly becoming a young man. Turning 9 tomorrow. Life at this age can be self-centered but he's trying hard to be more aware of himself and others needs. I can see it -- even if it comes and goes.
Myself, well, a foreclosure and a bankruptcy is a humbling experience. It was the trickle effect from the cancer and divorce 3 years ago. I did my best with the state I was in. I listened to advice that may not have been the best to listen to. I tried to sell the house and had a short sale offer but the second mortgage company held it all up and then ---poof--- every way I tried, my attorney who helped, my realtor who didn't stop the foreclosure from happening. With my faith, I have to see it as this is how God wanted it to go. Right now, I'm not sure where we are going to live but hopeful with some possibilities. It's the waiting that's hard.
Seems like I've been doing a lot of waiting on God lately. It's been a long season of waiting and unknown. I thought for sure some things were going to go differently but I've learned how He likes to throw me curveballs or pull the rug out from under me and make me depend solely on Him.
I'm not very fond of it personally and we have certainly had it out about it. I've even wavered in faith over everything. But I know what I know, I've seen what I've seen and there's no turning around for me...only forward. During a desperate time of prayer He led me here:
Philippians 3:12-16 Pressing on toward the goal
"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear for you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained."
How the Holy Spirit translated this to me -- I don't know everything, nor can I predict any future that God has planned for me. But I have to keep pressing on and trusting that Jesus has my back. I might not be where I'm happiest at but for now it's ok. I need to forget all that has happened and keep moving forward even one baby step at a time. There is a prize in the end -- maybe not in this worldly end -- but a prize knowing that Jesus' arms are where I will go someday. Nothing else here should matter. Still working on accepting that part.
Thanks for reading.
Blessings to all,

Tuesday, July 12, 2011


So my last blog was back in May. Now it's July and things are so different. Where I was, where I am now and where I am going. I have spent much of the past few months in silence and solitude. It's not a fun place for someone who has lived her life surrounded by people. I'm an extrovert so being around people and talking are essential to my being. Or at least I thought they were. But funny enough, now I look forward to any and all silence and solitude I can get at any moment during the day, week, month.

During this time, I did some connecting and healing of wounds that went so deep that some I didn't even realize were there. Today, I can honestly say that I feel 90% healed. Are we ever 100%? I'm not sure but I can do 90% through the rest of my life if this is 90%.

When my personal life and health blew up over two years ago, I thought it was the end of life as I knew it and it was. Now I have a new life. It's a life where I do chose to follow the life of Christ. He has delivered me from every way that I was and who I was that I am grateful to have the opportunity to connect with him on a level that I am assuming some don't get the chance to.

I've made some pretty big decisions lately. I'm going back to school next month for two years to complete my degree with Lancaster Bible College. Yup. Surrender for me has also meant my vocation. And I am looking forward to doing it, too.

For many years I have denied that small voice that spoke to me numerous times about where I should be. Over the past year I tried some things that I thought would be a way to do ministry my way but it doesn't always work out our way. So when so much fails we have to step back and review. After we review, we can choose to listen to His way or go our own way again and repeat the cycle. Personally, I was tired and weary, heavy and burdened. Kinda like the prophets in the Bible. I have felt like there is something more for me but had no idea what. So with a leap of faith, I am moving forward and doing what I am told to do. Go back to school, clean up my finances, be an example to my children and walk a straight path.

Ironically, so many things have been falling into place. It feels good for once in my life to not be pushing for things to happen and just allowing them to happen on His timing. It's a practice that I have to renew each day to allow and to have patience for. So many growing pains and so many lessons learned. Best one to date: When God speaks...Listen and Obey. Kinda like our own children:) I've seen my wrath and I know personally God's wrath when we're not listening and obeying.

Blessings to all!

Sunday, May 29, 2011 the garden grows...

My garden is growing! I am so excited about this! The first picture are my tomatoes. They are actually growing. I had no idea how to start a garden a month ago. The ground was tilled and I bought my seeds and planted them. A friend laughed and told me my tomatoes should've been started inside and I thought, "oh well, too late now. Just like Jennifer to just jump in and do it." But now, 3-4 of them are growing!

The best ones are the corn! They're getting higher and higher each day. When they started I wasn't sure if they were the grass mixed in there or if it was the corn but now I can tell the difference.

The last picture is what I believe are the green beans! It's still a little hard to tell. I planted 6 different fruits and veggies. 3 out of 6 isn't too bad. The others are still working and there are beginnings of them I believe but not quite sure.

A wise man told me not to weed until I could tell what was growing and where:) I'm listening to that advise and just plucking the weeds where it is safe to do so and not ruin all that is growing.

Thanks all for reading and letting me share a little bit of joy from my garden.

God Bless,

(p.s. - I write this as my kids are watching Gnomeo & Juliet in the background and talks about "Love builds a Garden:)" LOL

Friday, May 27, 2011

Just sharing...

I've had a few sleepless nights this week. A lot is going on, a lot is happening around me and my life. I have a routine in the morning when I wake.
Feed the dog
Start the coffee
Let the dog out
Pour my coffee
Open the laptop
Start my email with a prayer
Read my inspiring newsletters that come from Joel Osteen, Beliefnet and 5 mins of Faith
Go to Facebook and see "what God wants me to know today"
Then have my quiet time with Him and pray

I'm tired today. I feel as if I have been running a race. A race of making up time that I missed over the years of really "getting it". Ironically, the Joel Osteen message hit me today, like every other day, right where I am at.

Thought I'd share it:

“...Run in such a way as to get the prize”
(1 Corinthians 9:24, NIV)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria
Oftentimes, when we have a dream in our heart, we start off strong. We head down the path toward our goal, and we’re so excited! But along the way, we hit some roadblocks and encounter some adversity. Many times, people will just give up and take the easy way out. But we have to remember, it’s not how we start that counts; it’s how we finish. Anybody can be fired up at the beginning, but I’m encouraging you to stick with it until the end! Have the determination to go all the way through. Don’t stop at the halfway mark just because times are tough. Don’t quit because you don’t see anything happening. The scripture tells us not to walk by sight, but to walk by faith.
Today, if there’s a dream in your heart, something you’re believing for — a relationship to turn around, a business opportunity or to overcome an addiction — keep pursuing it! Run your race to win the prize! Don’t settle until you see the fullness of what God has placed in your heart. As you stand strong in your faith, I believe God will pour out His favor and blessing upon you, and you will see the victory He has in store for you!

Heavenly Father, today I choose to stand strong in You. I set my focus on Your promises and choose to run my race with conviction. I let go of the past by faith today and press forward into the destiny You have in store for me. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
— Joel & Victoria Osteen

My turn again:
I've hit some roadblocks...yes. And as early as two days ago I told God - no more or I'm turning away and going back. This isn't what I thought it would be like. He started dreams in me many years ago and again this past year and again just recently. They keep changing and tweaking along the way. There is a vision He gave me of my life two years ago when He entered my dreams while I was at my lowest. It's what has kept me going on. It is such joy and happiness. As I have pressed on thinking it was this or that and nothing happened or I had a mountain to move...We grew closer and I continued to go by faith and trust.

Yes, I now understand surrender. And there are days when it feel awful and then a prayer gets answered. Then in that moment you continue to believe and go on - whatever the result. So that's what I've been doing. He has asked me to share my story in so many ways and to so many different people. It's been confusing but it's starting to make sense - just as recently as yesterday.

Here is a version of my story to share with families who are in the midst of a cancer diagnosis:
My book Jenny's Angels available at:
direct link to:

I'm zapped, I'm tired. I'm going to rest this weekend as I have been told to. He's taking it from here...for now. I know this is just the beginning of something else. Not sure what. But I'm trusting I'll be ok.

Thank you everyone for reading my blog. Sharing my emails and Facebook status', twitter stuff and all the junk we have to learn to do in order to get out there and make a difference...even if it's just for one single person.

Today, I'm going on a field trip with my daughter. I'm going to be tired due to broken sleep last night but I also know that I will pray for enough energy and receive it for the day and laugh with my's priceless.

God Bless,

Monday, May 9, 2011

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day doesn't get any better than this...

Gifts from my children. Funny, when you find yourself questioning if you really are a good mom and doing your very best...God provides you an answer:)
Happy Mother's Day!
Enjoy your day with the ones you love!