Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I’m so used to having someone to call or text. Someone to talk to about what is happening in my life. But right now I’m sitting alone and it feels weird. There are people that I’d like to call or text but I can’t. They are busy with their lives or work or they are out of my life now and no longer available to me. This is the single life and I’m not sure if I like it. I like being with someone. I like sharing my day to day, my hopes, dreams and fears with someone I care about and who cares about me. I’d like a friend, a lover, a companion, a partner in my life someday. I know it’s time for me to be comfortable alone but it’s not something that I want to do. It’s very hard after so long to be alone.
Sure there is dating and meeting new people. Apparently there are dating rules and I’m not familiar with them. I’m used to relationship and I know what it takes to be in relationship. I’ve learned that. Now I have something new to learn. It is nice to know that there are people out there who are happy to teach me. Sometimes I feel needy because I like to talk so often but that’s me – that’s how I am. I’m trying to adapt to new rules. It sort of stinks because what I want some people feel isn’t where I need to be right now. And who doesn’t hate it when someone else knows what you need better than you…especially when they are right. I now know I need to be alone with myself and ok with it. I sure hope it gets easier.
The mixture of emotions comes and goes from day to day still. There are some therapeutic ways of dealing with all of it that I intend to do again and again until the emotions subside and life moves on at a better pace. Apparently, this space in my heart isn’t to be filled by anyone else but me. Time for me…only…and alone.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Sometimes in life we are unsure of our purpose. Do you know your purpose? I mean “really” know your purpose. For some women it’s being a mother and a wife, spreading joy and nurturing to their family, your job may feel like your purpose but if it just feels like a job than it’s probably not your purpose. Some women can go day to day and not feel a pull towards their purpose. They can feel content in the life they have chosen. Not I. I’ve known for many years that I have a bigger purpose in my life. I just wasn’t sure what it was…until now.
It’s a combination of things that I believe in, feel strongly about and can change or make a difference in another’s life. It’s something that I am passionate about. Something that is simple but I love and feel that others can benefit from. It’s a gift that I can share.
I am a designer, a dreamer at heart. I love my children and feel that they can be inspired each and every day to follow their dreams. It’s when we are children that we have the biggest dreams for ourselves. It’s when we are children that we are told that we are not good enough and told that we should forget our dreams. Why? We can be what we dream to be. We can find the Prince Charming that we dreamed about as a little girl. If you are patient it will all come. The problem is that most of us are not patient.
Since we are not patient we tend to make hasty choices and decisions. We decide we aren’t good enough to do what we dreamed of doing and do something else. Maybe something that our parents think we should do. We decide that this man is the best we can get or that we can change him to be our Prince Charming. So this is it. But if we were patient and understand that all good things come in time then maybe all those choices were a part of a learning process. Decisions that we can grow from and learn more about ourselves and our true purpose.
Life is a journey. Do what you are passionate about. Make a difference in other’s lives. Be a leader in your life and let your children see how brave and courageous you really are. Don’t let anyone stop you from dreaming but most of all don’t let yourself stop you from making you dream into a reality.
I recently took a test to find out what my strengths are. I wasn’t surprised at all by the results. They say a lot about me. See for yourself:
Your Top Strength
Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.
Your Second Strength
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.
Your Third Strength
Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness
You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
Your Fourth Strength
Capacity to love and be loved
You value close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you.
Your Fifth Strength
Forgiveness and mercy
You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.
Creativity, ingenuity, and originality
Thinking of new ways to do things is a crucial part of who you are. You are never content with doing something the conventional way if a better way is possible.
Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness
You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.
Kindness and generosity
You are kind and generous to others, and you are never too busy to do a favor. You enjoy doing good deeds for others, even if you do not know them well.
Modesty and humility
You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.
Bravery and valor
You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty
You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.
Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.
You excel at the tasks of leadership: encouraging a group to get things done and preserving harmony within the group by making everyone feel included. You do a good job organizing activities and seeing that they happen.
Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
Zest, enthusiasm, and energy
Regardless of what you do, you approach it with excitement and energy. You never do anything halfway or halfheartedly. For you, life is an adventure.
Industry, diligence, and perseverance
You work hard to finish what you start. No matter the project, you "get it out the door" in timely fashion. You do not get distracted when you work, and you take satisfaction in completing tasks.
Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself.
Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.
You are aware of the motives and feelings of other people. You know what to do to fit in to different social situations, and you know what to do to put others at ease.
Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
Caution, prudence, and discretion
You are a careful person, and your choices are consistently prudent ones. You do not say or do things that you might later regret.
Self-control and self-regulation
You self-consciously regulate what you feel and what you do. You are a disciplined person. You are in control of your appetites and your emotions, not vice versa.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
I’m a dreamer, a visual person. I have big plans for my solo life...lofty goals and high aspirations. I know I can do it. I have all the right people in place to help me get to where I want to be…where I dream to be. Life is worth the risk! The risk is worth the rewards! I have a second chance at my dreams coming true. I’m happy to realize this now instead of 20 yrs from now. I know anything is possible. I’ve learned that you can not depend on others to make you happy, to do the things you ask of them nor make your dreams come true. It is up to you and no one else. Along the way you can seek guidance but in the end it is only you who can make the biggest difference in your own life.
Life is a journey. I’ve hit some bumps along the way. There have been some road blocks and mountains to go over but it’s worth the ride. On this day, ask yourself if you have lived your dream. What if tomorrow life changed drastically for you...are you happy where you are, where you are going? What change can you make today to reach your goals?
Life is worth enjoying every minute, everyday. Worry about nothing, pray about everything. Open your heart to love and see what happens. Open yourself to change and see what opportunity comes about.