Monday, June 1, 2009

Forever Changed

Many people face a life change at some point in their lives. Never would you think you would face all of a life change at one single point in your life. By now it is no secret that my marriage of 12 years is over. Cancer treatment is almost over. Life as I knew it is over. The person I knew I was is no longer the same. The man I loved is no longer the same. The family I once had is no longer the same. So how do you handle so much change at one single time in your life? One-day-at-a-time.

During the earlier months of my cancer treatments, I was growing spiritually and connecting myself to be closer to God. This is all a part of a cancer journey. I was very in touch with who I was. A cancer diagnosis is enough of a challenge to face with change happening inside of you. I was very trusting, forgiving, loving unconditionally, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and strong. I learned about love - it does not boast, it does not envy, it always endures. I grew into that person a few years ago through learning what love is. I had become her to get through other challenging times. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where the old would rear its ugly head, but for the most part I was all of that to the ones I loved. I opened my heart and my door.

Who do you become when all those ways of being get trampled on by two people you trusted? Unfortunately, you become someone else. You become sad, hurt, angry and bitter. You can’t be the person you were because that person was taken advantage of at the most vulnerable time in her life. You have to wear that other person as a mask everyday but inside it’s different. Inside your heart is hardened and your walls are built. Many people tell me that time will heal these wounds. How much time – I don’t know? I will need to find the new person that I will be out of this. I can still be loving, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and very strong. Trusting and forgiving are not possible.

Out of every life changing event we can learn something. I believe that is the point to life. What have I learned from this experience? Never allow your man to have close female friends. It is not normal no matter what he says. Put your foot down or put him out the door. Because if YOU were important enough he would WANT to change for you. Also, if you ever heard the saying that a bird doesn’t leave its nest until it has another to go to – there is truth to that as well. One more that I recently heard - the grass is only greener where you water it. Hopefully he remembers to water his new grass.

Thank you for your prayers and support for me and my children at this time. We are so very grateful to see how God has worked in protecting us.

No comments:

Post a Comment