Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Time for Healing

My doctor informed me that my treatments are going very well. I am healing. Now, if only, I can heal my heart and my soul.

I have been using this time to reflect and get in touch with my true self. The funny thing is, I have been trying to do this for so many years. In a way, this crisis has been an odd blessing, it has given me the chance to really get to know myself. To let go of the old and the idea that you have to look and act a certain way to be loved or to love yourself.

I have always considered myself to be a strong, independent woman. Those who know me would certainly agree. But deep inside there was a little girl who just wanted to be taken care of. She just wanted her mommy to hold her and tell her everything will be ok. She mourned the death of her mother once again – for a final time. She has been mourning the death of forever love. Now this strong, independent little girl is learning to love herself, forgive herself and move on by herself should she have to.

I thank everyone who has been following my blog and continue to do so. I have not responded to your comments because I simply wasn’t ready to. I’m still not quite ready to, but I can only say thank you. My faith has wavered these few months and it still wavers today. However, from each one of you who loves me regardless of what you know or don’t know about me – you are a blessing and a knowing gift from God in my life.

There is still a lot of work to be done within me. With time my wounds will heal.
Many blessings...


  1. Michelle, thank you. I'd really love to meet you someday under different circumstances. Thank you for your gift, btw.

  2. You're welcome and you're welcome. I honestly struggled with whether or not to send the gift as I totally don't see myself as any kind of "real" artist and I get all self-conscious and icky feeling when I put myself out there. (Goes the same for my writing, we're such an odd group--wanting to be seen yet wishing to remain in the wings) And the truth is that there are times when I totally don't listen to God. I wait, I hem-haw around, I argue with the end He always, always knows what's best. So I take that tiny baby step of faith and do something out of my comfort zone. Like sending you that. Even telling you this is not what I would consider comfortable.

    But I can't stop the compelling nature of the Holy Spirit who reminds me almost daily to say a prayer for you. And I can't help but admire you for your honesty and grace when you put yourself out there like you've been doing on this blog.

    Let's make it a point to meet up regardless of circumstances. :)