Letting Go

I have blogged before about letting go, but this time I want to talk about letting go in a bigger way. Big as in - did you ever have dreams for your life? Dreams of what you’ll be when you grow up? Of where you’ll live? How you’ll live? Who you’ll marry and what your kids will be like? We all have and not achieving some of these dreams is the reason so many people go through depression, mid life crisis and/or divorce.

I’ve had time to reflect upon my own dreams lately. Time to think about letting go of some of my own dreams. We are in unstable, financial times as it is and the addition of a health crisis on top of it doesn’t make it any better.

Four years ago, I had the opportunity to start my own decorating business. I dreamed of this happening. I had a passion for decorating and I was good at it. It was an exciting time and scary, too. I had dreams of making enough money to support my family so my husband didn’t have to work so hard. I worked my butt off to make my dream happen. One year into it I started to develop some health problems. I was putting myself under a lot of pressure to succeed. I was very driven. As well as there were so many aspects to this type of business that I wasn’t aware of and learned along the way. Each year I expected more income and instead I got more debt. Then each year I changed something that wasn’t working for me with the hope that my business would change. It hasn’t yet. It may be time to let go. Of course, I admit this but I am still unable to fully let go. This is my passion – my dream. After this health crisis works itself out and I can work again full-time – it may be time to work for someone else. I may need to give myself to another business and in turn receive a guaranteed paycheck to better support my family. I can always keep my decorating business on the side. The reality is – I can not live my dream full-time. In these unsure times one of us should bring home a regular paycheck and benefits. And that someone will have to be me – if there is an employer out there who will have me. Family comes first - dreams second.

That is one dream – poof – gone. Of course, letting go of that dream means letting go of other dreams too. With the dream of better income came the dream for better things. Material things. I dreamed of a bigger, beautifully decorated home. Everyday, I help people with big homes make them more beautiful. I wanted what they had. I was tired of living in a small, cramped home. Now I realize that bigger isn’t always better. It’s not what you have that makes you happy. Happiness comes from within. We can live in this little house and still have everything because we have each other – our family. We have love and closeness – and that is what matters.

Dreams are good to have. They are well worth following. I’ll let you know if there are better things that follow when you let go of dreams - soon.