Sometimes in life you can find yourself standing there wondering where are you going, what are you doing, how are you going to get there. I feel myself at this point. After 2 months of taking it easy after chemo and radiation, my children have now started back to school and summer feels like it is almost over. My energy level and memory is improving but certainly not to the level that I’d like it to be. So what next with my life? I have felt a little out of balance lately and made personal goals to get this in check. My summer was a “boat” load of fun, but now it is time to focus on how I am going to take care of myself and my children from here on.
I’m a dreamer, a visual person. I have big plans for my solo life...lofty goals and high aspirations. I know I can do it. I have all the right people in place to help me get to where I want to be…where I dream to be. Life is worth the risk! The risk is worth the rewards! I have a second chance at my dreams coming true. I’m happy to realize this now instead of 20 yrs from now. I know anything is possible. I’ve learned that you can not depend on others to make you happy, to do the things you ask of them nor make your dreams come true. It is up to you and no one else. Along the way you can seek guidance but in the end it is only you who can make the biggest difference in your own life.
Life is a journey. I’ve hit some bumps along the way. There have been some road blocks and mountains to go over but it’s worth the ride. On this day, ask yourself if you have lived your dream. What if tomorrow life changed drastically for you...are you happy where you are, where you are going? What change can you make today to reach your goals?
Life is worth enjoying every minute, everyday. Worry about nothing, pray about everything. Open your heart to love and see what happens. Open yourself to change and see what opportunity comes about.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Live, Love, Laugh!!!
It’s been 7 weeks since my final radiation treatment. I’ve taken the time to get some much needed rest. Spent quality time with my children and friends and time to discover new people in my life. This summer’s goal for me has been to “Live, Love and Laugh”. Something that I haven’t done for a long time.
What does it mean to me to “Live”?
To live is to feel alive. Not just breathing and waking every morning but really alive. To know the feeling of contentment. To be able to sit back and look around you and feel full of life. To watch children play and laugh, to listen to a bird chirp and take a moment to thank God for new life. To feel the wind blow against my face while on the back of a motorcycle and feel the free to what life has to offer. And to realize that life is going to be good and smile just believing it. This is what living feels like to me. How about you? Are you really alive?
What does it mean to me to “Love”?
Love has always been different for me personally. My love has become more unconditional and when I give it – I give all of it. I made a conscious choice years ago to open my hear and to love everyone regardless of differences. Love my family, love my friends, love my clients, love people. Now when it comes to a more meaningful love – my love goes much deeper. It’s a love that is accepting, forgiving, trusting, giving, passionate and more to another level. It’s a love where I give all of my heart away. This love comes from deep within my heart and soul. What does love mean to you?
What does it mean to me to “Laugh”?
“Laughter is the best medicine” rings so true to me. I haven’t laughed in a long time. I find myself laughing more and more each day and even though it takes my breath away because of the treatments and being short of breath it still feels so good to laugh again. Laughing at life, at thoughts, at others and at myself is helping me feel alive again. When was the last time you really laughed?
What does it mean to me to “Live”?
To live is to feel alive. Not just breathing and waking every morning but really alive. To know the feeling of contentment. To be able to sit back and look around you and feel full of life. To watch children play and laugh, to listen to a bird chirp and take a moment to thank God for new life. To feel the wind blow against my face while on the back of a motorcycle and feel the free to what life has to offer. And to realize that life is going to be good and smile just believing it. This is what living feels like to me. How about you? Are you really alive?
What does it mean to me to “Love”?
Love has always been different for me personally. My love has become more unconditional and when I give it – I give all of it. I made a conscious choice years ago to open my hear and to love everyone regardless of differences. Love my family, love my friends, love my clients, love people. Now when it comes to a more meaningful love – my love goes much deeper. It’s a love that is accepting, forgiving, trusting, giving, passionate and more to another level. It’s a love where I give all of my heart away. This love comes from deep within my heart and soul. What does love mean to you?
What does it mean to me to “Laugh”?
“Laughter is the best medicine” rings so true to me. I haven’t laughed in a long time. I find myself laughing more and more each day and even though it takes my breath away because of the treatments and being short of breath it still feels so good to laugh again. Laughing at life, at thoughts, at others and at myself is helping me feel alive again. When was the last time you really laughed?
Friday, June 19, 2009
Stepping Over
There comes a point in your life where you simply MUST draw a line in the sand and step over to the other side. I have said from the beginning of this journey that when I was done with Cancer Treatments there would be a line in the sand that I will be stepping over. I WILL NOT look back at the past any longer. I WILL NOT listen to the past being brought up anymore. This story is over. There will be a new book to focus on. A book about new beginnings, new life and new possibilities from now on. There are many blank pages to fill. I have learned about how quickly life can pass you by. That you shouldn’t waste a minute on regrets and holding onto old thoughts that bring you down. Life is about living and living it to your fullest. Life is about loving yourself and surrounding yourself with good people that will hold you up during difficult times. It’s about knowing you are strong enough to get through the worse situations and come out on the other side a better person. Life is precious and should be cared for by each and every one of us. By the grace of God I have passed over this part of my life with more strength than I could imagine I ever had. Thank you to all of my wonderful friends and family that have seen me through. Should any of you need anything - reach out to me and know I am there for you, too.
Many Blessings to all of you!
Many Blessings to all of you!
Monday, June 1, 2009
Forever Changed
Many people face a life change at some point in their lives. Never would you think you would face all of a life change at one single point in your life. By now it is no secret that my marriage of 12 years is over. Cancer treatment is almost over. Life as I knew it is over. The person I knew I was is no longer the same. The man I loved is no longer the same. The family I once had is no longer the same. So how do you handle so much change at one single time in your life? One-day-at-a-time.
During the earlier months of my cancer treatments, I was growing spiritually and connecting myself to be closer to God. This is all a part of a cancer journey. I was very in touch with who I was. A cancer diagnosis is enough of a challenge to face with change happening inside of you. I was very trusting, forgiving, loving unconditionally, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and strong. I learned about love - it does not boast, it does not envy, it always endures. I grew into that person a few years ago through learning what love is. I had become her to get through other challenging times. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where the old would rear its ugly head, but for the most part I was all of that to the ones I loved. I opened my heart and my door.
Who do you become when all those ways of being get trampled on by two people you trusted? Unfortunately, you become someone else. You become sad, hurt, angry and bitter. You can’t be the person you were because that person was taken advantage of at the most vulnerable time in her life. You have to wear that other person as a mask everyday but inside it’s different. Inside your heart is hardened and your walls are built. Many people tell me that time will heal these wounds. How much time – I don’t know? I will need to find the new person that I will be out of this. I can still be loving, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and very strong. Trusting and forgiving are not possible.
Out of every life changing event we can learn something. I believe that is the point to life. What have I learned from this experience? Never allow your man to have close female friends. It is not normal no matter what he says. Put your foot down or put him out the door. Because if YOU were important enough he would WANT to change for you. Also, if you ever heard the saying that a bird doesn’t leave its nest until it has another to go to – there is truth to that as well. One more that I recently heard - the grass is only greener where you water it. Hopefully he remembers to water his new grass.
Thank you for your prayers and support for me and my children at this time. We are so very grateful to see how God has worked in protecting us.
During the earlier months of my cancer treatments, I was growing spiritually and connecting myself to be closer to God. This is all a part of a cancer journey. I was very in touch with who I was. A cancer diagnosis is enough of a challenge to face with change happening inside of you. I was very trusting, forgiving, loving unconditionally, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and strong. I learned about love - it does not boast, it does not envy, it always endures. I grew into that person a few years ago through learning what love is. I had become her to get through other challenging times. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments where the old would rear its ugly head, but for the most part I was all of that to the ones I loved. I opened my heart and my door.
Who do you become when all those ways of being get trampled on by two people you trusted? Unfortunately, you become someone else. You become sad, hurt, angry and bitter. You can’t be the person you were because that person was taken advantage of at the most vulnerable time in her life. You have to wear that other person as a mask everyday but inside it’s different. Inside your heart is hardened and your walls are built. Many people tell me that time will heal these wounds. How much time – I don’t know? I will need to find the new person that I will be out of this. I can still be loving, giving, kind, patient, compassionate and very strong. Trusting and forgiving are not possible.
Out of every life changing event we can learn something. I believe that is the point to life. What have I learned from this experience? Never allow your man to have close female friends. It is not normal no matter what he says. Put your foot down or put him out the door. Because if YOU were important enough he would WANT to change for you. Also, if you ever heard the saying that a bird doesn’t leave its nest until it has another to go to – there is truth to that as well. One more that I recently heard - the grass is only greener where you water it. Hopefully he remembers to water his new grass.
Thank you for your prayers and support for me and my children at this time. We are so very grateful to see how God has worked in protecting us.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What shoe are you?
If you had to compare yourself to a shoe – what shoe would you be? I heard someone describe their husband as a well worn loafer recently and it got me thinking. What shoe am I?
I would describe myself as a well worn sandal. I love sandals. They are comfortable and with a little heal they make your feet look pretty. My sandals are strappy and simple. I like ones that I’ve worn for a long time. However, the heels are a little worn out. They have scratches on them. They have dirt stuck on the bottom and may look as if they have been chewed on by a dog. One would think to buy a new pair and I have, but it was the exact same pair because I liked them so much. They were comfortable – what can I say.
Remember the expression “put yourself in my shoes” or “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and you’ll really know where they are coming from”? Is it really possible to put yourself in someone else’s shoes or walk a mile in their shoes to know who they are, what they are feeling, where they are coming from? You might get an inkling of what they are feeling but you will never get the fullest extent of who they are and what they are experiencing – good or bad.
Time to get a new pair of shoes…
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Signs
I was told recently that I haven’t been seeing signs. Funny enough, I have. However, for quite sometime I was blind to some signs that were in my face. Maybe you can call it denial, but they were there and I see them all very clearly now. Call it God, the Universe or Divine Intervention – whatever. I believe everything happens for a reason. It may be difficult to see when you are going through life changes but I believe God places people/signs/inner voice into our lives to guide us on our path.
For years, I have had moments where the little voice said “let --- go” but I chose to ignore it, hang on and fix. There was a moment that I was awoken out of bed at an ungodly hour by something bigger than myself in order to stop something from happening. To me that was a sign that this was meant to be. There were signs and stomach knotting that told me that certain people were not good, but I chose to ignore it. There were changed behaviors and things that should've clued me in. There were scrabble words that came up that should’ve warned me of deceit with someone. There was again that gut feeling and a conversation that should not have been ignored. Sometimes, we shut off to the signs that are right there in front of us. The ones we don’t want to see. The ones we deny. The ones that will hurt us.
Then there are other signs…like praying for help with something and the next thing you know someone is there or affirming your desire and a door opening with possibility. Needing help with insurance claims and someone out of the blue asking you if you need help with something like that. A doctor that you don’t normally see just happens to see you and also had the same disease. They are all signs – signs of a greater Power at work in our lives. Now we just need to not ignore the signs.
New Link:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Know-If-Your-Spouse-Has-a-New-Partner---Here-is-the-Shocking-Proof-You-Must-Know-Now!&id=2339151
For years, I have had moments where the little voice said “let --- go” but I chose to ignore it, hang on and fix. There was a moment that I was awoken out of bed at an ungodly hour by something bigger than myself in order to stop something from happening. To me that was a sign that this was meant to be. There were signs and stomach knotting that told me that certain people were not good, but I chose to ignore it. There were changed behaviors and things that should've clued me in. There were scrabble words that came up that should’ve warned me of deceit with someone. There was again that gut feeling and a conversation that should not have been ignored. Sometimes, we shut off to the signs that are right there in front of us. The ones we don’t want to see. The ones we deny. The ones that will hurt us.
Then there are other signs…like praying for help with something and the next thing you know someone is there or affirming your desire and a door opening with possibility. Needing help with insurance claims and someone out of the blue asking you if you need help with something like that. A doctor that you don’t normally see just happens to see you and also had the same disease. They are all signs – signs of a greater Power at work in our lives. Now we just need to not ignore the signs.
New Link:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Know-If-Your-Spouse-Has-a-New-Partner---Here-is-the-Shocking-Proof-You-Must-Know-Now!&id=2339151
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Cancer-Free
It has now been 6 months since I found out that I had cancer - Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to be exact. Early on I talked to many friends for words of wisdom, but one resonated to me more than I expected. She was very frank with me. She told me that I should thank Jesus for cancer and that I will be cleaning out all the garbage from my life and starting new. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear back then, but she was so right. I have a huge pile of garbage – one big piece in general - that I’ve cleaned out. I’m still not sure where to put it all – a dumpster would be nice. I do thank Jesus for cancer. This has given me a chance to know who people really are and who I really am.
My oncologist also told me I am cancer-free. He has no idea just how “cancer-free” I am. One final chemo treatment and some radiation to go, then new life begins.
Quote:
“Trust is like a vase...once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”
New links:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14652-building-trust/
http://www.gotcancer.org/store/cafe_store.php?catid=225
My oncologist also told me I am cancer-free. He has no idea just how “cancer-free” I am. One final chemo treatment and some radiation to go, then new life begins.
Quote:
“Trust is like a vase...once it's broken, though you can fix it the vase will never be same again.”
New links:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/
http://www.livestrong.com/article/14652-building-trust/
http://www.gotcancer.org/store/cafe_store.php?catid=225
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